


Babel Trek Open Project Ficlets

by zaan



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Humor, Universal Translator, babel trek project
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:15:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21762055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaan/pseuds/zaan
Summary: A series of one-shot humorous Star Trek vignettes in support and promotion of the Babel Trek Open Project.  Each chapter features a different ST show.  What is the Babel project you ask?A challenge to create works that speculate on Star Trek (any Star Trek) without the Universal Translator.  We love Star Trek. All the Star Treks!We love language too!  And the canon Star Trek universe barely scratches the surface when it comes to linguistic themes. All those aliens, all those planets, and they magic away the possibilities with a Universal Translator? Thank goodness for fan-created content!Announcing the Babel Trek Open Project on AO3! For three weeks from January 18, 2020, we’ll be celebrating linguistic diversity in Star Trek. This challenge is open to any form of art that we can possibly host online, and accepting works set anywhere in the Star Trek universe.The theme is simple — no Universal Translator. It’s broken. it never existed. It’s rude to use it here!Submissions from today until February 8, 2020. Why not get thinking and get creating?Babel Trek Open Project
Relationships: Data & Geordi La Forge, James T. Kirk & Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Julian Bashir/Elim Garak, Kathryn Janeway & Tom Paris
Comments: 46
Kudos: 126
Collections: The Babel Trek Open Project





	1. TOS Babel

"What's the matter, Jim?" asked McCoy.

Captain Kirk sat slouched in his chair, cradling a glass of whiskey. "Just an awful day, Bones," he groaned.

"Oh? Tell me about it." McCoy sat down gingerly and poured himself a generous two fingers of whiskey. 

Jim glanced at him. "You have a bad day too?"

"Nope." McCoy took a swig of his drink and then eyed his friend. "So spill the beans. What's got your goat?"

"Not what, who. Everyone's been in a mood today. Spock, Sulu, Uhuhura – even Chekhov! Whining, grumbling, borderline insulting! I don't know what's got into them."

"I think I know your problem, Jim. Where's your UT controller?"

"My UT controller?" he said as he unclipped the device and looked at it suspiciously. "Why?"

"Let me see." Bones reached out and took the device, turning it over in his hands. He tossed it back. "Yep, just like I thought. There's your problem, " he grunted. "You've got the damn thing set on Maximum Slander Alert instead of Assume The Best."

"I probably sat on it again," Kirk said. "Ah well, at least this time it wasn't during First Contact." 


	2. That Old Trick (VOY)

"Tom Paris, I should throw you in the brig for this."

Janeway glared. Tom hid a smirk and raised his eyebrows. "What have I done?!"

"You know very well what you've done. You've sabotaged the Universal Translator! You've programmed it to add on the words 'in bed' at the end of every sentence. That is NOT funny, Tom!"

"Of course it's not, Captain," he said, though he failed to hide the smirk this time and it spread gleefully across his face.

"I told Chakotay," Janeway continued, "That we needed to do a weapons test ..."

"In bed!" Whooped Tom.

"I expect this matter fixed. Immediately. Do I make myself clear?"

"As dilithium crystal, Captain."

"Good.". Janeway moved towards the door, pausing as she passed to whisper into Tom's ear.

" Fortunately for you, he has an extremely large phaser."


	3. Close Enough (TNG)

"All right, Data,' said Geordi, turning from the console. "I think I've got the Universal Translator fixed. Wanna give it a go?"

"Of course, Geordi. What are the parameters of the test?"

Geordi gestured vaguely with his hand. "Doesn't really matter. Just say something in another language - Bolian, say - and then tell me what it means in Federation Standard and I'll check that against the UT translation."

"Very well. Premm ima ta'la'han, ima et trossa vaila ra binothh. Foss issa prethra nantt intt etta shonn."

Geordi checked the console. "Okay, I've got the translation here. Now tell me what you said."

"It was a quote from the poet Trenn Frethh. " _Oh how the jewel in the sky shines in borrowed light, wreathed in a gown of gossamer."_

 _"_ Mmmm. Yeah, well, I think I've still got a bit of work to do," Geordi said, tapping his scanner thoughtfully against the console.

Data tilted his head to one side. "Was the translation inaccurate?"

"You could say that."

"What did it say?"

"Oh Wow. Look at the moon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget your Babel Trek submission!


	4. Pet Names (DS9)

Julian loved Garak's pet name for him: Allellhatum.

It sounded nice. He had no idea what it meant, of course. It wasn't in the Federation Standard - Kardasi dictionary. Julian wished sometimes that someone had invented something like a Universal Translator, even though the idea was clearly ridiculous and unworkable. He'd asked Garak what it meant, of course. Not that Garak told him. He'd only say it didn't translate well, but that it was a term of endearment.

It wasn't, in fact, until after the war, when Julian had relocated to Cardassia to be with Garak, that he got his answer.

Few Cardassians outside the military spoke Federation Standard so Julian, blessed with an augmented brain and with a roomful of Cardassian patients, finally - to Garak's great enjoyment - took up Kardasi. 

It was one day at the clinic that he heard the word - Allellhatum - spoken by one nurse to another. The answer he received on asking its meaning was ... unexpected.

"Elim Garak!" he barked as he stormed into their little shed that evening, "Your little Oozing Stinkwort? Really??!!"

"It's a very respected plant, Julian," Garak smirked. "WIth many medicinal properties that treat a large number of ills. Just like you."

"So I heard."

"It is also exceptionally beautiful ... just like you, my dear."

"Don't try to flatter me. It also smells like a goat fart and oozes mucus!! Or had that escaped your notice?"

The smirk grew. "Hardly."

"Just because Cardassians don't sweat and get stinky armpits is no reason to be smug."

"Of course not, Allellhatum."


End file.
